The Lost Art of Gentleness in a Christian Marriage

Do you ever think about the evolution of our culture? If someone from 100 years ago could see us now, they would be in shock. Nothing is the same in the landscape or the people. Some of that change is amazing but, some of it is terrifying. I think specifically of the evolution of Marriage and the breakdown of the family that has followed much of that change. One piece that it a tragedy is the lost art of gentleness.

The Lost Art of Gentleness in a Christian Marriage

Gentleness is a lost art that can fill a Christian Marriage with Joy

I know I know, gentleness gets a bad rap in our culture. To be gentle is to be seen as weak and gullible. But did you know that gentleness is supposed to be a part of Christianity? Maybe it deserves another look.

Colossians 3:12-13 (NASB)

12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

What exactly is Gentleness?

  • high born
  • kindly
  • tame
  • calm

These are not words related to weakness, but strength! When I think of gentleness I see it as power under control.

Jesus is characterized by gentleness.

He was certainly not weak. Jesus was in very nature God (Philippians 2:6). At any time while on earth Jesus could have acted in His power and proven Himself. Instead, Jesus taught and corrected showing compassion, kindness, and humility.


Jesus is the perfect example of power under control – Gentleness in action.

What would Gentleness look like in your Christian Marriage?

Think about the amount of power you hold in your marriage. Imagine what it would look like if you controlled the power you have in your words?

The Bible talks about the struggle to tame our tongue over and over again.

Some practical steps to show Gentleness in our words:

  • Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19-20).
  • When you are angry – pray before you speak.
    • I keep scripture hung in the bathroom and will often step in there before speaking when I am angry – to read the verse and pray it – asking God for wisdom and a calm head.
  • Use an “I” statement instead of a “You” statement.
    • Instead of “You did xyz” or my favorite “You always do xyz” try “I felt hurt when you said or did xyz”. It changes the entire dynamic of the conversation when you share feelings instead of accusations.
  • Practice forgiveness
    • Ah, Forgiveness comes up a lot here. But in truth if we are practicing our forgiveness we are walking in freedom from past hurts. Which means this thing that I want to control or hold on to stands alone and can be dealt with as a single issue instead of an avalanche of unaddressed hurt.

Need Some Help with Forgiveness?

I have a Free Forgiveness Challenge that will walk you through the steps I’ve found on this Pathway to Forgiveness. It has brought real freedom in my life!

Gentleness flows from a heart and mind that have been conditioned and trained by compassion, kindness, and humility and forgiveness. This is just one area God has radically changed in my life. It too my marriage from divorce bound to Hope filled!

Are you longing for Hope and Joy in your Marriage?

God took me through a journey of re-learning how to live as a wife with a Biblical Worldview. It is a joy for me to teach and mentor locally and I am thrilled to launch this new Online Course.

In this 9 week Course we will dig into the Bible and find out how to restore our Marriage – rebuilding it to Last a lifetime!

Finding Hope and Joy in My Christian Marriage Challenge

This Marriage Course will include:

  • 10 Self paced video lessons
    • Love
    • Forgiveness
    • Desires Vs. Preferences
    • My Mouth
    • Appreciation & Admiration
    • The Leader
    • Understanding Men
    • Respect
    • My Priorities
  • 9 weeks of personal study
    • 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
  • 45 Days of Prayer prompts

in HIM,


Tiffany is a Jesus Girl with a passion to Encourage and Equip Wives and Moms through Biblical Discipleship. Connect with her on Facebook and Pinterest. You can find more from her at HopeJoyinChrist.

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